I’m at War with Myself! #UsFatGirls

I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.

 ~Romans 7:15 (New Living Translation Bible)

There it is again. . . . . . . Regret.

Why do I do the opposite of what I hope and plan to do?

What I love about the above passage from the Bible is this was written by someone perceived as a giant faithful, God-following person and yet even he blew it!

He is at war with himself on this same topic.  Why do I do what I don’t want to do?  And what I hope to do, I don’t do!!!  Urg!   Does this happen to you too?

At the beginning of this year, for some crazy reason, I decided that I should lose more weight.  My goal was to weigh 135 by the time I turn 40 this year in honor of my transition birthday into “old age”!  I live in maintenance mode at 139-141 (depending on the time of the month).

Was this goal unreasonable?  Silly?  Dumb?  Probably.  Why do I do this to myself?

As a result of this goal, I increased my exercise regimen.  But then I would sabotage myself at every turn.  Because I worked out more, I somehow convinced myself I could eat more.  So after an amazing run yesterday, I went to Dairy Queen with the family, and ate a mini blizzard.  And it was GOOD!  Ha!  I didn’t gain any weight, but I undid the run.  Why do I do this to myself?  Am I the only one?

I know the goal, I know how to get there, but I don’t do it.  I do the opposite.

I know, I know, I hear ya, “Don’t beat yourself up, you still ran!”  “It’s just a small ice cream, get over yourself!”  It’s not the ice cream that matters, it’s the fact that I know what I want and how to get there, but I am at war with myself when it comes to my actions.

I want to be motivated.  I want to eat right.  I want to exercise.  I want to lose weight. 

But then . . . . . I want chocolate!!!!!!!!!!!!

And chocolate wins.  Ha!

How about you?  Do you struggle to get off the couch when your heart wanted to?  Do you struggle to conquer something you planned to finish on your todo list?  If so, you’re like me too!

I’m thankful each day is a new day, to start fresh.  Today is a new day.  No regrets.