I’m Scared and Feel Vulnerable! Thanks for the Prayers! #UsFatGirls

Fear and spidersI’m feeling scared and vulnerable today which makes me feel more scared and vulnerable.  Fear.

I started my healthy living weight loss journey in 2008.  I have spent the last 2.5 years of that journey in an awesome local workout community.  I’m one of those people that needs others.  I cannot do this journey alone.  I need others for accountability.  If I know a friend will meet me at the gym, I’m more likely to go and kick my own butt.  I need others for emotional support when I blow it with bad eating or when I’m self-loathing.  They help pray for me and put my head back on straight.

In the last 2+ years, with my current support system, I have lost more weight, continued to lose body fat, have raised my fitness level, become certified as a fitness instructor, conquered goals, and accomplished more than I thought I was capable of.  Yes, I did the work, but I didn’t do it alone.  I had their support every step of the way.  They are the foundation of my successes and each goal reached.

We are moving.  That’s why I’m scared.  The change is leading me into unknown territory.  I’m afraid of going in reverse.  Fear of the unknown.  I’m afraid of losing all the progress I have conquered in this safe place.

Yes, I’m a bit of a structure freak.  I like patterns, structure, routine, lists, calendar dates scheduled, meal plans planned, etc.  I have no control over what is next.

With my history of yo-yo dieting, what if I start to move the scale in the wrong direction again?  It’s never the pounds for me, the weight merely shows an outward expression of what is going on internally.  I’m scared of that defeated place.

What if I don’t land into another fitness community?  I need them!

What if the time off, out of my routine during the move and transition, de-motivates me and I can’t get back up?  What if I can’t kick my butt back into healthy living?  I know myself and my history.  I want to stay motivated, will I be motivated still when we get there?

Has the last 4 years truly transformed my insides as much as I think it has?  I guess I get to find out.  This is the next goal I must conquer.

Change changes things.  change

Thanks for your prayers as we are in transition.  Stay tuned.  I’ll post what happens.  Will I fall into another rockin workout community ready to take on all of my craziness on this journey?  Will I continue to live healthy or self-sabotage?

This is the verse from the Bible I’m leaning on right:

“Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? . . . . . Don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” (Matt 6:25 & 34)

I will live to conquer only today, that’s all I can do for now.  Thanks for the prayers!

How do you deal with fear, stress, and change?  I’d love your input!

Join the conversation on Facebook:  UsFatGirls.

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