Is That Me? #UsFatGirls

Gasp!  “Is that me?”!!!!

Cat funnyIt never fails.  Someone uploads, posts, and tags me in a photo and my first thought is, “Oh lawdy!  I better go find out! How bad is this old photo gonna be?”

The same thing happened to me in 2007.  Before I began the healthy lifestyle and losing weight, someone posted a photo and I was mortified.  You see, I had stopped looking.  I had stopped caring. And frankly, I didn’t want to face the reality of how unhealthy I had gotten.  For me the weight gain was merely an outward announcement of my internal shut down.  I had stopped weighing, I had stopped saying yes, I had stopped caring, I was functioning and going, but I wasn’t engaged.  I had accepted defeat.  I stopped inspecting in the mirror.  Glances in the mirror, as I got ready, were the extent of my mirror gazes.  Clothes shopping was a horrid necessity that I deplored and did reluctantly only to return home more defeated.

But then they posted the photo.  Seeing myself the way others could see me at all times.  I thought, “Who is that person?”  “Is that what I look like?”  “Oh no!” “How did it get that bad?”   I felt – hopeless.

As long as I ignored it, I didn’t have to face the layers of unhealthy hurt that were literally weighing me down.  I could sit and eat in faked oblivion and continue my poor behavior.  But the photo told the truth of my defeat.   The photo showed I was using food to cope and it was only making me feel worse not better.

It’s been a long time since I felt defeated.  Overcoming the defeat was a day by day process to create a heart transformation, which in turn day by day created the weight loss.  And now when I ask, “Is that me?” When I see a photo, I’m just as stunned.  But I’m proud of who I see.  I’m thankful to be alive and living and dreaming and doing.  Yes, it was hard.  Yes it was emotionally and physically brutal!  But I’m awake now and no longer shutting down.  My outside appearance is still a reflection of what is happening emotionally  inside. And my prayer is that others see someone who has hope and is free. 

Beautiful, don’t give up!  If life has shut you down, it’s ok to hope again!  It’s not too late!  No one is too far gone!  I thought I was, but that was the defeat controlling my destiny.  “Can’t” doesn’t get to talk to me anymore!  Get up!  You are worth it!

If you are tagged in a photo today, how will you respond?

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