Use Words, Please! #UsFatGirls

Dr. Suess“Can you put that into words for me?”

As a trainer, addiction sponsor, and parent – I say this phrase VERY often and sometimes daily.

In an era of more communication outlets than any other time in history, I find people are sharing less and less of how they really feel and almost presenting a “caricature” version of themselves to the world around them.  As a result, knowing what we authentically feel has become hidden, unspoken, buried, or stuffed.

If you stuff your feelings, you are going to stuff other stuff in there too (comfort food, alcohol, drugs, etc.) – as if putting more inside will make you feel any better. It won’t!

As a parent, if my kids are acting out, we have a sit down and I ask, “what is going on?”  If they say, “I don’t know”, I begin a bunch of questions:

Are you sad?  Angry?  Afraid?  Hurt?  Embarrassed?  Depressed?  Feeling Insecure?   . . . . . . . . .

We go through a huge list until I hit the “one”. We hit on what it is they are feeling and then the floodgates open.  They had no idea what they were really feeling or why they were acting out – until we talked it out.  My kids have gotten pretty good at expressing feelings in words. But it’s taken lots of practice and, even now, we have to work together to figure it out. Emotions are complex.

When we find out what is mixing them up on the inside, it’s like releasing the top on a shaken soda bottle. The real feelings ease out and the inside pressure intensity is relieved.

Even toddlers have to learn to use words.  Rarely do we see a 16 year old throw a fit and lay out on the ground at the grocery store to communicate a grievance (at least I hope not)!  But I have seen toddler-like fits in people of all ages. Please use words! It takes practice.

We have become so accustomed to shutting down, putting up walls, guarding our hearts, and using anger to control those around us. It’s commonplace to act out in such a way that hurts us and those around us.  The answer for many is to use silence rather than use words.

I see adults torn apart by their own passive behaviors or lashing out often not even understanding why we do it.  Do you have this happen too?

“I don’t know why I act like that sometimes?”

“I don’t know what I’m feeling.”

“I’m just grumpy, or angry, or i want to slap something.”

“I can’t sleep and I can’t calm down and I don’t know why.”

“I’m just in a funk, I’ll get over it, I always do.”

Do you know how to share what you are authentically feeling?  Do you have a safe place to be the real you?  As beautiful and messy as you might be?   (I’m messy too – you are safe here with us!).

Let’s figure out what you are really feeling:  Overwhelm?  Fear?  Anger?  Rage?  Injustice?  Offended?  Hurt?  Is trust destroyed?  Embarrassed?  Self-loathing?  Anxious?

Are you sad and need to cry?   Do you need to learn how to cry again?

I want to give you homework.  The next time you hear something come out of your mouth or a behavior that is hurting you or those around you, stop and evaluate.  Ask, “What am I feeling?”  As uncomfortable as it might be to actually feel the feeling – go there – feel it, hurt through it, share with a friend, heal that ache.   Don’t let it weigh you down and eat you from the inside.

Yes, our site is about living healthy.  UsFatGirls is about eating healthy and exercising to take good care of our bodies – but none of that can happen if we’re all mixed up inside.  It’s a mindset.  Our heads, hearts, and emotions DO matter.  I want all of you healthy INSIDE & OUT!!

If you are stuffing food is it because you are stuffing emotions?  When was the last time you actually felt the bad emotions rather than numbing them with food?

What are you really feeling? Is it too big or too scary?

If you need help with this process, find someone that can help:  A counselor, a teacher, a pastor, a friend.  Be sure to also visit your medical professional to eliminate something more severe:  bi-polar disorder, depression, anxiety disorder, etc.  You do not have to remain stuck repeating the same thing over and over again.  Things CAN get better.  There always hope!

I want you to be free.  I want you healthy.  You are so beautiful, even if you are messy!  Please be the authentic you God created.  He doesn’t make mistakes!  We don’t want to miss out of the real you!