I have a crazy story, and by God’s grace, am a beautiful mess today! LOL!
Being broken by rejection is kind of the focal point of what shaped me and led me face to face with a need for God – who I now depend on daily for everything I do. I had a rough home-life growing up. I am a recovering drug addict (drug rehab when I was 13 years old, clean and sober for 28 years), and a self proclaimed yo-yo dieter – having my first crash diet in the 5th grade in which I lost 50 pounds.
I have always danced and totally love it. I feel free and the most ‘myself’ when dancing, like it’s what I was created to do. But as I got married, had kids, lost jobs, got depressed, got overwhelmed, I shut down – and gained A LOT of weight. As a former dancer, with required weight-ins, gaining weight hit my emotions/identity majorly! I internally felt hopeless and desperate – even with faith, I still was beyond miserable. Not just from the huffing and puffing the extra pounds were causing during every activity that plumb wore me out – but emotionally too. I was hiding in the bedroom with my husband, I was saying no to more things than yes – I was shutting down. It’s hard to explain the layers of desperation. For me, the weight gain was an outward symptom of what was going on internally.
I wish I could completely capture what happened to wake me up. I wish I could bottle it for others that need a boost too. I can’t put words exactly to the hope and caring and fight that finally arrived to help me make the changes – not just changes in weight, but the ‘want to’ and care and enthusiasm, and lights on *wink. Inside changed! Motivation showed up!
What I DO know is that anyone else who desires to fight and believe they are worth it again – it takes other people (and for me, lots of prayer too).
I discovered when I started talking about these things with other women: identity, weight gain, exercising, food, how I feel looking in the mirror, image, prayer, motivation – something started to happen. I started changing inside and out. As a result I feel awake and alive – I feel free again – free to “dance” and be me – cus that’s my thing. 🙂
Thus why UsFatGirls – I need ya’ll. And I pray others find hope too.
UsFatGirls is monitored to be a safe place to be honest about those crazy obsessive thoughts all of us have but never share. A safe place to be vulnerable, real, authentic, afraid – but maybe, just maybe, start to get healthy inside and out too?
That is my hope for everyone that is included! I hope you find encouragement here! Soooo glad you are part of the group.
So there it is, the “why” of UsFatGirls”. And if you want to know any of the “how” of losing the weight – just ask. I did lose the weight: (from 210 pounds to 140), and yes I changed food, exercise, sleep, activities, etc – but the things that had the biggest impact were internal: prayer/faith and relationships. These are the tools that allowed me to be strong and able again!
You are beautiful! I’m thankful for you!